If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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