3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
