I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize