i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
