OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
