I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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