last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
