You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
