My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
