Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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