Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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