Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
