Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
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I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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