I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
