THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
