OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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