He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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