I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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