Your dad touched me again.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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