So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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