I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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