Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
