even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we made out on top of his cat.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
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hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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