Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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