The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
