People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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