Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Terrible idea I love it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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