That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
