week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
