I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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