Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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