Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
