Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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