...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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