Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
