I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The power of my boobs compel you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
