drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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