Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
