Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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