I wish I could teleport
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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