he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
