we have officially lost it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
