just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
