OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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