Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
