he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
