I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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