everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
