went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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