The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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