Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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