I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
