Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
