Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
