i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
